Letters to M

Chances
12/4/05
   I hope to get to know you, as I knew the girl of
                               5 years ago.


I donít know what it is about you. Every time I am about to call it quits and give it all up...there you are. Almost as though you have a sixth sense, and donít want me to lose hope.

Do you know? Are we connected in some way, as I feel deep inside that we are? Do I hold a special place in your heart? Are you drawn back to me, just as I am never able to quite let you go?

Questions that I would like to ask. Maybe someday I will be able to. Or maybe someday you will simply answer them.

I know enough now to be grateful. Every day, every conversation is a gift to me. Any one could be the last...at least for a while. On the other hand, maybe this is a new beginning for us. This time could be the opportunity finally to start again, remember the friendship we had and build that base into a new one.

All I know for sure is that your return is like a homecoming. I am most complete when you are in my life. Knowing that you are here is extremely comforting to me. On a hard day, just seeing you online settles a peace over me, smoothing out the rough edges. Talking with you is an act of discovery and remembrance in equal parts as we drop into the old ease of being around each other, while learning slowly about the new people we have become.

I hope to get to know you, as I knew the girl of 5 years ago. I hope that one day you will say that you are proud to be my friend.

I have always thought there was something special about you, about us. You donít feel bonds like we had with everyone, with very few people in fact. Despite the years, the distance, the changes, and the absences, I have not been able to let go of that bond. Or the hope to repair it and return to the friendship that it originated at. Every time you leave, I lose that small piece of my soul.  But deep inside, I have always had the feeling that we would have a second chance to go back to the beginning. That, in fact, there may never be a last chance at all.

    Hereís me hoping that this time it will be the last chance needed.




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